Keeping Your Cool with Back to School: 3 Solid Tips for Parenting in Pandemic Times

Georgie Gray, LISW-S, is a parent coach and therapist based in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. She has been working with kids and families for over 20 years, and believes that the most effective tool in your parenting toolbox is your strong relationship with your child. Learn more about Georgie’s approach and services by visiting her website: www.GeorgieGrayCounseling.com

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Feeling optimistic about the start of the new school year? Feel like you and your kids are thriving after a relaxing summer? Yeah, didn’t think so. The only thing thriving right now is anxiety. Uncertainty breeds anxiety, and the one sure thing about life in a pandemic is that every single thing is uncertain.

Here are three proven parenting tips for handling anxiety and uncertainty as you stare down the barrel of another semester of online school. Or hybrid school. Or whatever kind of school it is in five minutes, because surely it will be different from what it is right now.

Tip #1: Connect When You Can

You can’t control much, but you can control the way you show up for your child. Remind yourself often that your child’s long-term development is better served by your close relationship with him than by his completion of his schoolwork. This is not to say that school doesn’t matter, or that the assignments should be ignored. But it is to say that the cost should not be endless battles between you. Back away from fights when you can. Understand that your child’s frustrations are most likely going to be dumped out on you. Don’t take it personally. We are all under stress, which means our capacity to handle challenges is waaay diminished. Connect when you can. Prioritize feeling good together. Feeling safe in your relationship together will get your child much closer to his academic goals in the long run.

What this might sound like:

“It looks like you’re having a hard time getting that math worksheet finished. Why don’t we take a walk around the block together. I could use a break from my work, too.”

Tip #2: Practice being calm

Don’t you hate when people say, “calm down”? It also kind of bugs me when people push mindfulness and meditation as solutions to stress. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe in mindfulness and meditation as tools for stress management and overall mind/body health. But the words have become buzzwords, and sometimes feel too “soft” in the moment of crisis, anger, or worry. So, what do I mean by “practice being calm”?

I just mean, take a second to take a breath. Step away from this moment in your mind. Pretend you’re a bird, up above whatever situation you’re in. Can you relax your grip on anything right now – whether that’s a worrisome thought, or your need to control an interaction? Can you relax your stomach muscles, or your shoulders? Find a moment to regain perspective, whenever you can. Everybody in the world is in this same leaky boat, plugging holes to stay afloat. Stop staring at the little leaks for just long enough to breathe. Decide where you want to place your attention and your energy.

You might say to yourself:

“I am going to let go of this particular worry for just five minutes. I can come back to it later after I feel calmer.”

Tip #3: Be Curious

Anxiety makes us clench, and it closes us down. We get rigid. We seek control. Curiosity opens us up. Next time you’re tussling with your kid about sight words or times tables, practice curiosity: “What would happen if I…”

You might ask yourself:

“What would happen if I asked him what the best way is to practice?”
“What would happen if we went for a walk and did sight words or times tables later?”

It doesn’t matter what question you ask or how you answer it. The point is to make a mental shift. Curiosity enables you to step back from a situation. Your perspective widens. You can step away from conflict, and that makes connection more likely.

You might even be able to take a breath -and find that you feel calm.

Back to School: This is Frustrating, but I Can Roll with It

Jennifer Lewis is a Licensed School Psychologist who has a background in community mental health. Currently she is an Elementary School Psychologist and works within the Maple Heights City School District. Jennifer’s areas of specialization include early childhood development, social emotional learning, and anxiety. She works with families on a daily basis and is often their first point of contact with the school system as she walks them through the special education process. Jennifer co-leads live discussions with fellow School Psychologists discussing topics, providing resources, and answering questions through a new social media platform coined #AskASchoolPsych.

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This is the time of year where we collectively begin our “Back to School” preparations as the summer comes to an end. As an educator my experience this time of year involves preparing for work and getting my son ready for the upcoming year. Every year usually involves school clothes shopping, purchasing school supplies, establishing a routine as we transition back into our school year structure, setting intentions, and getting motivated for the year ahead. However, this year feels very different. So far, 2020 has been a year flooded with new experiences, panic, adjustments, disappointments, and unknowingly has been a catalyst for creative thinking.

Just a few months ago, as a parent and as an educator the world as I knew it turned upside down. I made attempts to juggle working from home all while enforcing virtual learning for my elementary-aged child. I’m sure I experienced the same frustrations as many parents who were working from home. In the beginning things felt chaotic, uncomfortable, and ineffective. It took me a few weeks, but over time I found the following to be most helpful in my household:

Setting Boundaries

I spent time teaching my son internet safety and appropriate behavior for video calls. We discussed the importance of engaging in minimal interruptions as I held my virtual meetings for work. I also had to set boundaries for myself, by being realistic with my remote work productivity.

Creating a Visible Schedule

I collaborated with my son to combine his daily morning routine and his school schedule. We hung my son's schedule on his bedroom wall so that he could reference it throughout the day. At the start of each week we reviewed the assignments due for that week. I assisted my son with creating post-it notes for each day that listed the assignments/readings he needed to complete each day. He crossed off each assignment as he completed them, in order to stay organized.

Setup a Student Work Area

With my son’s input, we agreed on a work station location in our home. His work area consists of a desk, a work stool, a cool background (a way to express his personality in the background of his virtual chats), and school supplies (pencils, markers, notebooks, etc).

Be Flexible

At home our motto during times of difficulty is as follows: “This is frustrating, but I can roll with it”. I often try to model this in our everyday life. For example, one day earlier this year, my car battery died and my car would not start as I attempted to begin my day. I took the time to say our motto, took some deep breaths, and then made the necessary phone calls to get help. The same applies now as we shift to using and understanding virtual classrooms. We must be open to new ways of thinking and maintain composure when faced with challenges.

Engage in Self Care

We can’t forget to take time for ourselves and more importantly encourage our children/students to develop self-care strategies. This could be as simple as deep breathing, listening to our favorite song, journaling, drawing a picture with your child, or even taking a nap! Get active. Take some time for yoga and/or meditation.

Home-School Connections

It is so important that we as parents communicate our needs and concerns with our child’s educational team. If it has not already been done, make a request to schedule a 1:1 virtual meet and greet with your child’s new teacher. Touch base with your child’s teacher so that you know the standards or teaching goals for each week. Know that you have the right to reach out to your school team if you have concerns with your child’s progress (they may even offer intervention support).

As we prepare for the year ahead, I plan to continue utilizing these helpful tools and it is my hope that it will be a blessing to you. Be well!